TongueLash

Oh wow,

This is a picture of my mother’s family; my grandparents, my mom, and most all of her sisters and brothers. My mother is the first one in the top row. My grandmother looks so so so so young. I think she would be in her twenties, late twenties here. My grandfather looks like such an asshole. A skinny asshole. From what I know, my grandfather was an insane womanizer back in the day. He was one of my favourite people in the world when he was alive, and I’ve always known him to be charming and funny; but here he just looks silly, but I guess they all do. This photograph is insane. I dont even know.

I dont really look like any of them.  I can kind of see my younger self in my mother and oddly I see my sister in my grandmother, but mostly not. Yet, their faces are all familiar. Where everybody looks like home. And everybody looks like a separate emotion of one singular person, and I feel like I understand all of them.

My uncle actually looks the best, the little boy in the suit. It’s fascinating and terrifying to see what runs in the family. My mother’s family is my blood through and through, far more than my father’s side. This is the family I was born into. This is the family I lived with in Hong Kong until I was 6 and left with my parents to Canada. This is the family where I learned everything about love, persistence, guilt, anger, frustration, that very singular feeling where you want to hug somebody really hard until they suffocate. 

I recently realized that I am a very sentimental person. It’s probably why I keep a box of keepsakes, it’s probably why I like to make mix cds. Shit like this wrecks me. Fucking wrecks me. I have to lie down for a bit now.